Wednesday, March 05, 2014

'Milla's Diary, week ending 5 March 2014

My fellow blogger and Royal author, Susan Braun, is holding a Royalty Reading Challenge this month at her blog "Girls in White Dresses." You can choose your own book, but why not consider one of HER royal books:

Not so Happily Ever After: The Tale of King Ludwig II by Susan Barnett Braun.

Kate Middleton, Duchess of CAmbridge: A Biography for Children by Susan Barnett Braun

 'Milla's Diary, week ending 5 March 2014

NOTE: This is affectionately written fiction. Any resemblance to royals, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This piece is copyright protected.

Need to catch up or know who is who? Check out the first installment of 'Milla's Diary.

28 February 2014

Well, it seems even Randy CAN put a foot wrong after all. Apparently, the tabloids got word of his birthday treat--a night out with a model who used to date George Clooney. Now, I ask you? Who in their right mind would give up  George-fabulous-Clooney for Randy?? Well the tabloid said he was kissing her in the restaurant and that they were "obviously a couple" and what did this mean for the ex and all that sort of rubbish. Since the ex has publically stated that they "play away matches," I'd say it's nothing to her! Even if said model is but a very scant few years older than his eldest daughter. Now, if Randy had been canoodling with George Clooney in a restaurant that might merit a little notice (and take some heat of Edith!!). No, the mere fact that a legally single man had a date--although at his age that COULD be considered 'real news' these days--wasn't what got him called on the carpet. It was the idea of him being less than a gentleman in public. Mummy's Darling always has perfect manners, didn't you know? Mummy didn't care for the idea of him behaving like a sailor on leave in a restaurant. After all with darling Haza's indiscretion still surfacing in the press almost daily, she'd like to think the lid is nailed shut nowon that type thing. Never mind that Pansy and her husband were dining at a table nearby and said all the man did was kiss the woman's hand and drool..... Mummy wasn't wearing it and Randy was soundly boxed around the ears.

In celebration, after he had called the OTH and given BOTH baby brothers a thorough going over, Dear One and I had quite the little celebration in Randy's honor! He put on his Admiral's uniform (Randy is not yet an Admiral) and I dressed up as a tart--what a lark! World's oldest lady of the evening! Well we had a jolly good round of target practice, then the admiral slept soundly in his bunk. What a hoot!

1 March

Sent Dear One off on the Royal Round again. His valet even had the Dragon pants out, pressed and ready for wear to Wales for St. David's Day. Dear One stepped jauntily out to the car like professional he strives to be (well, most days).  Once I got him out the door, I phoned over to the palace to check on Pip only to find he had nipped down to Windsor and was expected to go carriage driving with friends. So good to find him back on track. Aging is the worst, I always say.

Spent the afternoon with the Grands then off to a "do" at friends. Solo evenings are rather a bore--no one to exchange signals with to leave early if it's ghastly and no one to laugh about the comic bits with afterwards. Still, it wasn't horrid as such events go. I managed to truss myself up in enough Spanx to get into the gown and Dear one, being such a lamb, had left a new little goody for me to wear on it. Lovely! Belonged to the first Countess Mountbatten and was left him in her will for his wife. It was forgotten in some safe and recently came to light. Amazing jewels! Phoned Dear One at bedtime--on the secure land line as we must these days--and heard about his day. Made him nearly cry with laughter describing Bunny Calthorpe with his new hair plugs and even newer wife! She's the age of his granddaughter!

2 March

Lazy day in the city for once. Didn't feel like the drive down to the country. Called and forced Dear One to place a belated birthday call to the Equerry. Sister's 2nd husbands aren't always high on the gift list, are they? After he'd had a long moan in the vein of "what in God's name do I say to him?" I finally pressed the buttons and made a 3-way call. Really chuffed the Equerry, I could tell, when I added my belated congrats.  Apparently the wife hadn't yet mentioned his birthday and it WAS yesterday. You never know, do you, about other people's marriages?

3 March

Dear One and the Mother-in-law both thrilled to bits over Haza's performance at the Mandela memorial service. Such a lamb! And his mother WOULD have been proud of him! He joked with Dear One that he practiced not looking bored by watching Papa's old speeches! Sorry to say, but they ARE excellent training material--especially those given at sporting functions for some reason!

Speaking of SWMNBN--the press has gone all gaga over the unbelievable fact that Baby will accompany the Boy and Yummy Down Under. I AM getting old, but I could SWEAR I remember the Boy going on the same trip in the 80s? And, why on Earth would it be news that they need a Nanny for the trip? To hear the tabs go at it, it's an absolute revolution in royal thought! Honestly! From now until about a year after their trip we will ceaselessly be shown the "iconic" images of the Boy crawling across a rug while SWMNBN adores him. The boys WERE apparently an immaculate conception you know! In spite of Dear One's presence on the very same rug in every photo, he is never mentioned as being their father. I ask you! How much of this do they even think the BOYS can stand? So, Baby will be taken along in the same plane EXACTLY like his father, but it is all revolutionary! I'm sure some designer is busy making a replica of the very romper the Boy wore so Baby can look the same. Probably get Yummy up in some scary 80s shoulder pad number too, just for effect. Honestly!

4 March

It's been a while, but a box of tampons arrived in the post this morning! Dear One and I are braced for an onslaught of new nutters once the Boy and Yummy take off on the tour. The ceaseless chorous of "how Proud SHE would be" and how "Much like his darling Mummy" boy is will drown out anything worthwhile that Dear One, or any other member of the family, does for months. Honestly the minute one of the boys crouches down to simply HEAR a child and it is goo-city in the press! They are both wonderful with children, but then so, too, is their father. That always gets forgotten, doesn't it? Well, I know the Boy and Yummy will do fabulously on the tour because they ARE fabulous! There, spoken like a proud step-Mummy and step-grand, but NOT one who ever tries to replace the real Mummy and Granny!

To try to escape "tour mania" for a while, I went over to the palace for a nice long swim. Did me a world of good, I can tell you. Caught the butler having a private water aerobics session with the new chap in the official catering office--the bloke who signs off on the bills for official Head of State entertaining. What a hoot! I didn't feel so bad about my sagging old body when I caught him in, if you can believe it, a Speedo! Oh to have photos to splash on Instagram!! At least the catering Johnny had sense enough to go for more coverage--helped hide his rather obvious attraction for my butler, but only just. The butler on the other hand would have been blurred out on telly!  Stayed around to join the old dears in the Pensioners water-fit class. All wives of former officials, a couple of the Mother-in-law's elderly ladies in waiting and the like. Very democratic--there were also two retired maids and a retired lady clerk. What fun! Must try to make it a regular! No lunch afterwards, sadly, they all said the prices at the Palace cafe, even with their OAP cards, were not good value for money. Most nipped off to a local chain restaurant with good lunch deals, but I went off to the Mausoleum to giggle over the butler and have a catch-up of the Street with the dogs.

1 comment:

Susan said...

Such a treat, as always. I wonder if people do occasionally send tampons to their house? Ughh ... Milla is so good-natured, self-deprecating with her "world's oldest lady of the night" talk and sweet to the kids/grands. I do like her ...
And thank you for mentioning my reading challenge/books!