NOTE: This is affectionately written fiction. Any resemblance to royals, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This piece is copyright protected.
Need to catch up or know who is who? Check out the first installment of 'Milla's Diary.
October 10, 2013
Where IS God when One needs him? Pushy has published a new book. It's a load of rubbish but, at least as of today, there's no one suing her over plagiarism. Dear One's authographed copy was flung with fury into the sitting room fireplace! We'd been having such a lovely evening, too, until the Butler remembered the parcel and brought it in. It's just like him, isn't it? Not very Mr. Carson of him. No, not a bit.
Took literally HOURS to calm Dear One. If there is anyone loathe-able on this Earth it's Pushy. Probably stood over her son and daughter-in-law to make them conceive a child as a possible playmate for Baby after they'd publicly said that was years and years off. (Well, I guess THAT apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? After all Pushy, herself claimed to want "masses" of children then popped out the two cried off with 'duty done'.)
October 11, 2013
Joy does indeed come in the morning!! The mobile belted out that song I can never remember the title to and my heart skipped a beat! My dear little Filipino kitchen maid is back on duty!!! Yes! I sent her straight off to the garage for a gifty--new tires and brakes!! Got to keep our stealth car in good condition! Lovely hearing from her--all the gossip on those left behind. Seems the Butler's toyboy has moved on and hasn't told him yet. Left a note on his pillow at the Mausoleum. LMAO over that one! Oh well--perhaps the Butler can patch things up one more time with dear old Reg. Too forgiving is Reg--I've always said so. Should have dumped our chap years ago. Could do better--someone much younger and with a far better income. He's not young, Reg, but oh he's aged divinely! And no botox! Plenty of better men out there if he'd just leave the old baggage at the station.
October 12, 2013
Last good day of the holidays. Dear One and I went for a lovely tramp all morning. So good to be out in the rain--does one a world of good. Talked for hours--just like when we were young, only instead of gossiping about who was sleeping with whom it was more of the "do you think they still....?" variety and then on to a good theraputic moan about the various offspring, siblings, and a good nasty free-for-all over the staff! So cleansing to let it all out. And, Dear One such a lamb. Really it was too sweet of him to say with a straight face that I did not look fat in that aqua dress. He had to have practiced. You can bet I rewarded him well for that!
Had a last gal's lunch at the old broad's table down the pub. Gave me a Downton Abbey cushion that Lucille and Belinda had stitched. So thoughtful!! I'll miss them--such dears! I bought rounds and curry chips for everyone. Marjorie thoughtfully provided Altoids and Grace remembered the Gas-X. It was quiz day and, in honor of my departure, the topic was The Street! Well, they will call it "Corrie" won't they? It's The Street to me! Philippa Carney, a local estate agent who has had a tad too much Botox, beat me for first place, Ann took third. My prize was fabulous! Imagine! A full body massage by "Kenneth" of "Soft Hands Massage" in the next village! What a hoot! They rang him up right then and there and told him who'd won. Such a lamb! Agreed to meet me back at the house, and offered to add Dear One for half-price. What a lovely time! Soft Hands, indeed!! And strong, strong arms, a fabulous little bum and a package...too bad Dear One just couldn't relax. Even with the really, really nice wine Kenneth brought along and the aroma therapy and all. It was heaven. Pure bliss! Even the dogs like him! He'd brought tiny doggie biscuits from that little gourmet shop on the main road for them.
October 13, 2013
Press having a field day over Yummy's parents getting an invite to Sandringham for Christmas. Family, is too, by the sound of it. Dear One was on the mobile with Randy longer than I've ever seen. Lots of "yes, yes..." and "I know, I know...." Randy, understandably, a bit tweaked that the nouveau riche are coming but not his ex. Even Dear One gives her a good mark for holiday fun--if not for anything else. Not five seconds after he hung up, Edith phoned lobbying for an invite for the brother-in-law's family. Dear One, again in full parenting mode (he is more their parent at times than Pip or the Mother-in-law) saying things like "but where would they sleep--in the kennels? And then things like, "if you're going to use LANGUAGE I'll ring off." It was finally decided that Dear One would be reasonably agreeable if the Mother-in-law asks his opinion on Mrs. Edith's brother's family joining the Christmas fun. No chance of that, you may rest assured. Poor Edith, if Pip didn't take the bait, there's no hope, even though the Mother-in-law does seem to like Mrs. Edith. Families. Never mind that my own children and grands aren't invited. Does One make a fuss? No, of course not. Besides, I can't imagine getting them all organized in time for the church parade. Not sure my children have actually ever been to church---well aside from weddings or school chapel. Good day for a lie-in to the ex. Miss that about him.
October 14, 2013
Home at last! Dear One's tummy a bit off on the flight home, so he went straight up to bed for a nice nap. I got the staff in line and ordered dinner from a Five-Star place we've always meant to try to eat with Downton. The staff were falling all over themselves to be nice since the Butler had been jilted. He, too, went up to bed--won't see him this week, I guarantee it. The Filipino kitchen maid loaned me her keys and I nipped round to the off-license to take the boys their gifts--Ts from the pub since they both collect them. Then on to the Indian take-away for a madras with naan and some somosas for poor Pip who has been forced to stick to the regulation diet again by the Mother-in-law. I ask you? Does it really matter if a 92 year old eats "healthy?" I didn't think so. His eyes lit up like Christmas. He was so happy he muted the cricket! Apparently the Polish twins didn't make the homeward voyage. The Mother-in-law put two and two together, it seems. I promised to give them Kenneth's number--he could likely use them. Pip was so very happy at this.
We watched Strictly on the dvr since we'd missed it on broadcast. We do so love that show! Then on to dear Downton. You'd think a man who went to the same public school as the ex- could come up with a few more names though--another Anthony? Handsome chap, to be sure, but glad they decided he could be "Tony." Can't imagine why nosy old Rosamund hasn't looked into that journalist Johnny. Probably the wife and children are home on the estate in Hampshire and poor silly Edith is still buying that silly Mr. Rochester's wife in the attic story.........But oh that kiss! Dear One had tears in his eyes and I was blubbing freely. Lamb that he is, while I was talking to my daughter on the mobile after the show--she teared up too, of course, he had gone upstairs and put on his finest tweed suit and came downstairs, took the phone, told my daughter good-night, led me (and the dogs, of course) outside, and gave me the "kiss'. Say what you will about Dear One--he is a romantic. I simply blubbed for hours it was too, too sweet.
October 15, 2013
Some idiotic so-called "friend" is stirring the pot again and saying that Dear One was the love of SWMNBN's life. Bollocks. That's all I have to say on that. Do these fools ever give one thought to those poor boys? NO! It's all GREED. Honestly. If my friends say half the Tosh hers have peddled after I'm gone, then I'll come back and haunt them.
The curried chip diet didn't provide the weight loss I'd hoped for--imagine that! Ha! So, it's back to boiled eggs and celery. We've a huge state visit coming up and the first fittings were an embarrassment, even with top-of-the-range Spanx to the rescue. Running to Gloucestershire every day is out, so I'll need to swim laps at the BP pool for hours and hours a day instead of riding. The designer was just a tad twitchy about it too. "Rather more than we allowed for, ma'am." Oh really? And how much was that? Honestly, you don't want to know. Dear One, of course, swore he'd noticed not a single ounce, though that cheeky footman glibly mentioned beams being broader this season. Wanted to slap him, but he gets me a good discount on stockings. His boyfriend in an account executive with the stocking firm you see.