Wednesday, September 04, 2013

'Milla's Diary, Week Ending September 4

NOTE: This is affectionately written fiction. Any resemblance to royals, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This piece is copyright protected.

Need to catch up or know who is who? Check out the first installment of 'Milla's Diary.

Copyright protected

August 29, 2013

Lovely day out with the dogs and the guns! The Mother-in-law in great form and Pip back on his game. That left only Dear One and Edith to ruin the day. And aren't they good at it! Dear One, still snuffling, Edith seems to be developing piles from his expression. I didn't ask. One doesn't, of course. He even managed to irritate Pip. Usually anything Edith does is fine with Pip, but I suppose pointing a shotgun in the general direction of the Nearest-to-the-Crown-Jewels (even if past their "sell by" date) was a bit silly. Mrs. Edith stepped in an tried to mediate, but one of the props children began clamoring for the loo or lunch or something--never can understand a word either of them says. Talk out the side of their mouth like little gangsters--just like Dear One when he's with the parents. So Edith was dispatched down wind, so to speak, and the Mother-in-law took an uncharacteristically sweet interest in Pip. Now, had it been Randy and it would have been dueling shotguns at 20 paces!

Divine tea of soggy prawn sandwiches, cold mutton stew and some real biscuits with flavor for a change. Didn't get a look at the packet, but they scream LARD and SUGAR so they must sell well. Hopefully when I get home I can describe them to the Filipino kitchen made and she can snag some at Sainsbury's. The Mother-in-law brought some posh bakery biscuits for the little brutes corgis and ever-so-sweetly bought enough for ALL the dogs! And, weren't they pleased! Obedience School manners, proper tail wags and no spittle on the fingers. Did Mummy proud!

August 30, 2013

Yummy rang. Seems her Mum is on her last, the VERY last, nerve. Baby is a darling--no problems there, but Mum keeps insisting that Yummy do things from the LAST. CENTURY. Now, let me be frank. Yummy's Mum is not high on one's list of acquaintances. One of those Mummys who always trys to brag about how hectic it all is as she tries to jump the queue at Harrod's for final prep school uniform fitting day. Not to be tolerated. I imagine if Yummy did Pony Club then all of her tack was NEW, and ditto the riding clothes. Anyway, Yummy herself is a lamb. So like another daughter--no holding of grudges or backstabbing. Lovely fun at  big boring do's. Right sort. Mum insists Baby sleep.....on his own. Yes, you read that right! Tantamount to child abuse these days. Yummy, of course, has read all sorts of nonsense in modern Mummy-to-be books about co-sleeping and primitive baby wearing. Lovely ideas! So....well... tiresome would be too harsh, wouldn't it?

Tried to explain that Baby should be in his own cot away from Mummy and Daddy, but in the same room for now. Those magic six weeks go by in a flash and then Daddy will be needing .... access.....not easy with a tiny baby in the mix. Not conducive somehow. After all, don't want Daddy straying...... That got her attention. I skipped Dear One and went for the jugular with the Ex and his little jollies as I was recovering years ago. Oh just slap and tickle, of course, at that point, but I made into a storyline worthy of the Street Christmas Special! She stopped to take notes. I kid you not. Take that Miss "Doors to manual." While I had her on the line we also went over the Tatler's School Guide--must make sure Baby is down for all the right places. All those wealthy Asians might even outbid a future king. Can't be too careful. She was so grateful! But, how long till Baby can do bottle feeds? I assured here it was never too early. Husbands tend to like....well.....access again, isn't it.

August 31, 2013

Dear One still snuffling so got the Witch Doctor around. Herbal this and natural that. Give me a shot of codeine any day, I always say! Nanny is still staying with us, though she moves on to stay with Edith and the Mother-in-law tomorrow, so she did her best for Dear One. A little salve on his chest, she thought. Dear one distraught at using chemical remedies, so she mixed up and old fashioned mustard plaster. I was a bit twitchy watching her administer it. Nearly dropped the steaming mess on something rather precious to Dear One. Those thin cotton pants wouldn't have been much protection. He sizzled away as she read him some of Lang's Fairy Tales--proper fairy tales, not those politically correct one where they all live happily ever after, either! Did him a world of good. And, best of all, I got a lovely long walk with the dogs and then caught up on the Street.

September 1, 2013

Always the worst day of the year. We pull down the blinds and stay in gloom. Of course Dear One did the Right Thing and called the boys. So difficult for them. Haza in deep gloom--so little when it happened poor chap. One does so want to mother him! Of course the Boy was off connecting wtih HER family--right thing to do, of course, he's sensible about these matters. Dear One pouring over the photo albums. I left him to it and had a good read thru an almost decaying old Agatha Christie I found under a pre-war box of Sanitary Towels in the downstairs loo. Lovely Miss Marple saved the day, of course.

Had a quiet dinner with Dear One with full state honours. Silver gleaming, subdued black dress, and a lovely Opera on in the background. He does feel everything so deeply, poor lamb.

September 2, 2013

Command performance for dinner with Pip and the Mother-in-law. Formal highland dress, enough servants for a state dinner and all the rest. As the loo-lady handed me a hand towel it occurred to me where I knew her: she's half of the twin Polish nurses Pip wanted on the permanent staff! I made a beeline for Pip and under threat of no more care packages got him to spill it. Quite simple, he said. Ticked boxes on a form, had the detective Johnnies do fingerprints and they were in. Seems there's actually an embarrassing number of staff vacancies at the moment. One is the new maid looking after his rooms, the other is looking after Edith's room. Apparently the massage techniques they teach in Poland do wonders for circulation in the elderly. No comment on which area of the body benefited most! What a hoot! Hats off to the old dear!

September 3, 2013

Another glorious day outdoors. Dear One, Randy and Edith constantly battling each other for the parents' attention, Mrs. Edith wisely had the rounders set out to keep her children out of the way, the Mother-in-Law and Pip hand-in-hand, very Darby and Joan, so I was able to sneak a couple of fags cigarettes and read the 1960's Dick Francis that was keeping my dressing table level. A good one--don't know how I'd missed it. Saw Randy playing Air Golf--poor thing, can't really stand anything outdoors except golf and why should he? He wasn't the oldest, wasn't the dear baby and his sister's the best man of the family. Of course he'd turn to golf! Makes sense. Just before we laid out the tea, in the lovliest downpour yet, dogs loved it!, up roars an antique Land Rover with the OTH at the wheel and the Equerry beside her, carrying her handbag. Well, she was  a soldier's wife for years--after she dated the ex of course! What a hoot! We've compared notes many a time! Such fun! Anyway, she had new pictures of her Grands on the iPad and I simply KICKED myself for leaving mine at home! Lovely natter over them with the Moher-in-law and Pip joining in. Mrs. Edith nose way to the out of joint regions, kept pushing her sprogs forward. Poor Pip! Brainbox never quite hits the right note when those two are around. Kept asking if they had flowers for Her Majesty? The Mother-in-law got as close as she gets to maternal when Randy came back from his sulk and asked about his girls who had gone home a few days ago. Perked him up no end! Edith then began begging for attention while Dear One and Sis plotted revenge near the Land Rover.

Nothing like a lovely family get-together, I always say!! At least the rain was marvelous--such fun for the dogs. All the way back down to home Dear One whinged about Edith and Randy. That night he and his sister pulled out the photo albums and, once sufficiently sloshed, trashed the little brothers as the Equerry and I played a raucus game of Go Fish. Cards must have belonged to Randy and Edith when they visited Granny. They were in the sideboard in the dining room. The Equerry is a bit stiff--no amount of Gin seems to get him to relax. OTH is a bit much if you're not a horsey sort, but still, he could give a giggle or two, I've always thought.

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