Tuesday, September 17, 2013

'Milla's Diary Week Ending September 11, 2013

NOTE: This is affectionately written fiction. Any resemblance to royals, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This piece is copyright protected.

Need to catch up or know who is who? Check out the first installment of 'Milla's Diary.

Copyright protected

September 5, 2013

Well, somehow, I got so caught up in holiday jollies that I let this little diary languish! More's the pity. Still, most of it IS utter rubbish--sort of thing everyone has with in-laws, one's own family, friends and work these days.  Still, it's worth a go at a few highlights of the days that slipped  by. Tea up at the Castle with the Mother-in-law and the brutes corgis. Randy's more articulate younger daughter was there so we were just a three-some. The men were out having fun stalking something. Having MUCH more fun. Mother-in-law droned on about how dreadful it was facing HER grandmother, Queen Mary. Randy's daughter kept sneaking peeks at her  phone and mumbling replies. Finally, in the spirit of all OAPs the MiL ranted: "What's the child saying? She must not mumble so! Why we'd have been...."  I rolled my eyes in sympathy and the poor girl cracked the barest smile. Duty done, we decamped down the pub together with our iPads and phones.What a relief! Big plate of chips, a stiff G & T and one of those lava cakes they seem to have everywhere these days. New nico patch did the trick so I didn't have to sit out by the bins to have a fast fag cigarette.

September 6, 2013

Well, seems some people really DO believe that old wag's saying of "If you can't say anything nice, come and sit by me."  Pip's dear cousins let loose on SWMNBN with both barrels in that well-known society tabloid. Vindication for Dear One, but dreadful for the boys, of course. Dear One preparing for new death threats and all the rest that goes with such things. The Kevlar waistcoat again, I imagine, poor lamb.

I ran up to see Pip and make sure he had some decent grub for the day--a lovely meat pie, chips and gravy from the pub which he loved. They do a good pie down there. Then off on my own hols with the girls in the Medeterrainian for a few days. Sunshine, peace and quiet, old friends and sanity. Bliss... Hated leaving with Dear One gloomy over our friend who is in a bad way, and did offer to cancel, but he insisted and gave me a lovely beach bag full of books for the trip! Such a lamb.

September 7, 2013

Gin and Tonic and a fry-up on the yacht this morning. Perfect, absolutely perfect, way to start the day. Poor Elsbeth IS aging so! Hard to believe with those veins she can still walk. And Penelope has gone all lizard on her arms. But it was Betts who brought the house down--a raunchy tattoo on her old arse! Said Dear Old Milo thought it was so hilarious they had to have the Life Squad out. What a hoot! Naturally the press WOULD get me with my gut and bum hanging out and my hair soaked. Oh well, let 'em, I always say! Strike a blow for the old broads! And, they were wrong about the suit. It was from M/S but it was Clearance--7 pounds 49 p. The Filipino kitchen maid snagged it for me a year or two ago. The other one was found at an Oxfam jumble sale by her as well.

Lovely drinking games in the evening though poor Pamsy couldn't join in-- interfers with her tyroid pills, I understand. Surely 70 extra pounds are plenty. She joined in anyway, screaming "SKOL!" every few minutes for no apparent reason. Brainbox must be loosening with age. Happens to us all.

September 8, 2013

That night Dear One and I HOWLED with laughter over the phone when he called to say that Randy, who was in London for the day, was tackled by the police at BP!! Too funny, too cripplingly funny!!! And his pompous ass self shouting "Do you know who I am?" Dear One does him perfectly--I was screaming with laughter. Well, then OTH called on the other line and he patched me in as they relived it all gleefully with Dear One and her son was on the 3-way. Dear One told me later he was squeezing Mr. Winky trying not to pee with laughter!! Even funnier when the call waiting beeped and Pip got added. I understand a fearsome dark stain spread across Dear One's Grandfather's tweed shooting suit trousers, but he was helpless with laughter as Pip, too, did HIS imitations--both of son #2 and the mother-in-law in full outraged Mummy and Monarch mode. WHAT A HOOT!! THE HOOT OF THE YEAR, in fact. Wish I'd been at home though! How hilarious when Pip and Dear One are on the same side--they're so funny.

After that we learned of the death of  the close friend. So utterly sad.

September 9, 2013

Another raucous night with the old broads on the boat! Watched one of those over-done costume dramas--Pride & Prejudice or some such--and had a lovely drinking game with it!! So fun! Elsbeth quite legless by the end of the first hour and Jane made a play for that Spanish chappy who drives the little boat when we go in to shop. Of course with that dyed hair and her top too low even for Yummy and her crowd she did make rather a fool of herself. I suppose the Spanish chap is paid well enough to just let it wash over him. Finished another fabulous book in the sun in the afternoon, but too woozy to read more at bedtime.

September 10, 2013

Cut short the  holiday to be with Dear One at the funeral. So very sad. Note to self: Too old to fly hungover. Must have drank a vat of Perrier when I got home.

Years ago the press and the tv show SPITTING IMAGE went to town on Dear One for admitting he talks to his garden plants. Now the Boy says he relaxes listening to sounds of water buffaloes snuffling and farting as well as other animals doing the same and its UTTERLY BRILLIANT. CDs are literally flying off shelves and iTunes has a new bestseller. I ask you? Well, not to miss out, I downloaded the buffalo mating calls, or whatever they, and played them at bedtime. Dear One needs bucking up, with the funeral looming. Hilarious as Dear One  rendered his own versions!! Just like when we were young at Uncle Dickie's and we played Circus Horses in the State Bedroom that time!! Exhausting, but wonderful fun! 

September 11, 2013

As if this day isn't sad enough, a funeral of a sweet, wonderful man. How awful for the family. Saw the ex- and had a small catch-up natter by the loo. Dear One and the boys so sad.


Susan said...

Ah, just another week in the life ... those two had me in stitches right along with them :)

Jeanne said...

Up to your usual standards, of course! You have me Royal watching, you know, just so I can understand the diary!