Wednesday, July 24, 2013

"Milla's Diary, week ending July 24, 2013

NOTE: This is affectionately written fiction. Any resemblance to royals, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This piece is copyright protected.

Need to catch up or know who is who? Check out the first installment of 'Milla's Diary.

Copyright protected.


July 18

With the whole world focused on Preggy and the Boy, I was able to sneak out and spend a day with my grands! Such lovely fun! We went to the park, then went back to my dear daughter's home to play. All of them at once, plus the dogs, of course. Couldn't go to a park and leave the dogs home after all.

In the evening Dear One was still fretting about the reaction when the baby comes. All sorts of nutters out there claiming SWMNBN will be the Guardian Angel or Saint-of-the-moment for the birth. As I've said before, it IS sad she's not here, but a saint? A woman who had HOW MANY lovers? Really, I ask you? Not like she was Mother Theresa! Too tall, for one.Still, it is sad she won't be there for the Boy.

Had to have "the talk" with Dear One though. About the important things. Such as being fair and sharing his toys when the Child visits. No fun taking a bath at Grandfather's without HMY Britannia or HMS Kelly or the others in his fleet. And, the swords (the plastic ones, of course, can't have them put an eye out!). He's already had his tailor make up a perfectly wonderful shooting suit in case it's a boy! What a hoot! Little tweed Norfolk jacket, tweed plus-fours and those organic wool nubbly stockings he thinks are a must. He will be the most doting of Grandfathers. It will be such lovely fun to watch!

July 19

Even the Mother-in-law has chimed in on if the baby will ever arrive! Honestly, what sort of Great-Granny-to-be complains she has to get off to her holiday home instead of hanging around London to see the birth? Well, there you have it! THE NATION'S Great-Granny, that's who! I rang up Pip to see how he was doing in all the melee, but his brainbox wasn't firing on all cylinders so he thought it was someone called "Janet" and asked if she'd found a "place for it" yet. I just don't know. Poor old thing! Such a lamb. Though with the tiny meals he gets these days it isn't a wonder he can't get the brain to turn over and rev mightily, is it? Takes bacon in a man to stiffen him, I always say!

July 20

Since I've been able to keep up with the Street this week, I agreed to glam it up and have a genuine Downton Dinner with Dear One. Enough jewels to outdo old Queen Mary, a designer gown and my hair newly rinsed in that stuff that makes it look like a Christmas Cake. Not bad for such an old broad, if I do say so myself! Dear One quite chuffed, I must say. Of course he was adorable in his Windsor Uniform, face ruddy with wine. As the flunkies shuffled the plates we had a lovely stroll down memory lane. The first dinner like this at Uncle Dickie's aeons ago--so long ago, in fact, that I could run my fingers thru his hair and even recall suggesting a hair cut! Now that WAS donkey's years indeed. Anyway, all that tough lovely organic mutton and what-not, put Dear One in such a romantic mood! I do love it when he forgets the cares of the world, such as his little brothers, and waxes romantic! He's such a lamb.

After dinner we went upstairs and, though it started out all sweet and lovely, we ended up playing "London Calling" which is a viciously fun bedtime game similar to the fabulously fun "Are you there, Moriarity?" of old, except while blindfolded you have to scramble to be the first to grab your mate's "phone" and "answer" it! What a hoot!!! Of course Dear One got so excited he damned near pulled a boob off, but oh! How fun to make it all better!!

July 21

Still no baby! Entire world seems to be near the hospital. I do feel for the poor girls who must deliver this week. Security checks with one's water breaking can't be fun. And, poor little Preggy! Bad enough the little thing must eat actual food (I was putting back 2 bacon butties a day at that point!) but now she's overdue it seems. We've never been sure they gave out the correct due date--the Boy just giggled about how much "trying" was involved. Well, that's typical--he is a soldier after all! Such fun, soldiers!

Continued on with martyrdom packing for Balmoral. Butler volunteered  his Toy Boy (currently without a "situation" I'm told.....with all the tourists in town you'd think he could earn an easy quid or two, but there you have it!) for the heavy lifting. He does have an impressive....body. Silky atheletic shorts aren't seen much here at the Mausoleum, particularly not when worn commando. Set the hotflashes off, I can tell you!!

Dear One home late and very, very grumpy. Apparently someone suggested the child be named "Spencer" again. Seriously? Will it ever end? Let the woman rest in peace all ready--or at least let the boys have peace. But, do you know they get letters almost daily saying that One or Dear One or Pip or MI5 killed their "darling" mother? Nutters. We are surrounded by them. Those poor boys! Not a moments peace. Well, grumpy as he was I threw myself into dutiful wife mode and put on the Fawlty Towers German episode--the one he and his Granny loved so much.  He had to stop it and have a pee, he was laughing so hard! Can't beat John Cleese to jolly Dear One.

July 22

She's finally, finally going to have the baby! Saints be Praised!  The Boy texted and they're heading back to London for the birth.  Dear One so excited he VOLUNTEERED to phone the mother-in-law with the news!

July 23

Yesterday--a future king at last!! Dear One so happy. We were on the Royal Rounds so we didn't get back to London until early evening, but you can bet we went straight up to see the sprog. Dear One so sweet, holding the little fellow. And the Boy, talking like I've never heard him before! So utterly, utterly thrilled. And Dear One was so excited too! The little lad didn't get his ears! That is a celebration! We discussed names, but they are still mulling it over. Dear One, wisely, suggested they decide fast and barter the name for some peace from the press. He's very wise in these matters.

Preggy looked genuinely happy. The ultimate "Yummy Mummy" now and a boy to boot! Well done, I say! They're in that blissful stage and I do envy them. Such a sweet time in life. But honestly? No Nanny?  Dear One and I have a bet how long THAT will last! Changing that first nappy IS  a thrill, but the 3,914th? No. Just No. And there's nothing like interrupting a bit of fun in the night and nearly retching over the little gifties baby has deposited in and around his nappy to cool the passion, is there?

Of course outside the hospital there had to be the obligatory call for canonizing SWMNBN. Another old dear just had to ask Dear One if he thought SWMNBN was "watching over them." He's a professional though, he didn't flinch, he just patted her hand and gave her a sympathetic smile. In the car he did that hilarious eye-crossing face and I had to remind him someone would get a photo. Then he chortled that they'd think it was Edith's daughter. "Naughty, naughty." I chided and he got this amazing glow and said "Naught boys must be punished." I swear I haven't laughed so hard in DECADES. Glad to have him back on form.


Previous Diary Entries can be found here, here, here here and here


More Royal humor: What if Charles HAD married Camilla in the 1970s?

1 comment:

Susan said...

Ahh ha ha ha -- so love these! "Dear Lamb" -- :) They ring so true. Yep, I'm seeing the "Spencer" name suggest all over FB now.