Thursday, January 10, 2013

If Downton Abbey was a law firm.........

No violation of copyright intended, this is just for fun. All characters created by Julian Fellows.
Welcome to Downton Abbey LLP a Midwestern full service law firm of 300 attorneys with offices in eight cities.

Richard Carlisle, Managing Partner. Poor boy made good with a chip on his shoulder the size of Wyoming. Ruthless, ballsy, visionary. Has one goal: to make money and make the firm known. Earned a scholarship to a local liberal arts college where he was blackballed by every fraternity,  spent a few years in venture capital after a deal he put together for himself went viral in the business press. On to Wharton for his M.B.A.  then a J.D. a Columbia all while building his own net worth  on the side. Not having time to make it in a white shoe New York firm he surveyed the landscape and went home to the Midwest where he blackmailed a college acquaintance into getting him into Downton & Abbey LLP. Five years later he’d all but taken over the navigation of the firm through his ability to spot potential take-overs. When tightrope walk over a merger canyon sent the managing partner to his grave with a massive heart attack he seized the reigns and never looked back. His desk has four screens,  a bat-phone conferencing call unit and several smart phones on it. His office is tastefully done in expensive modern art and fine Italian leather and a huge plasma flatscreen. His suits are custom tailored as are his shirts. His shoes are Italian or bespoke classics from London.  Continues to annually bill in excess of 1,000 hours per year even while steering the firm. Eats young associates for breakfast. 
Robert Downton, grandson of the founding partner and Senior name partner. Will inherit his father’s 51% stake in the firm upon his mother’s death. Meanwhile must put up with comments like “How will Mommy vote?” in the men’s room. Utterly polite, has devoted staff who have been with him for years but does occasionally take himself too seriously and wear a bow tie. Has put on a bit of weight and worries about it and tries manfully to go to the gym at lunch each day. Like Matthew, whom he recruited, he is a Wabash man.

Anthony Strallan Those eyes to-die-for and his apparent vulnerability have kept him a devoted workaholic staff for years. Loathes Richard, but often agrees with his business choices. He’s so low key you have to know he owns 29% of the firm to see his value.  He is the late Mr. Abbey’s grandson. Bills unbelievable hours for his age even though Richard continually gives him the sacrificial lambs of the Associates class each year. Had a brief moment of fame when an international client recommended him to Bono for a foreign aid trip.  Tri-athlete in his so-called spare time, but finding it hard to fit that in now that he’s remarried (he was a widowers for years) to a much younger wife. Bakes artisian bread and makes his own wine that he shares with his staff.

Mary Crawley up-and-coming Senior associate and Richard’s new wife [He forced thru the rules change to marry her by blackmailing several senior partners]. She loves the smell of napalm in the morning and has allowed herself to be taken by Carlisle on his very desk in a swoon to the power the man wields. He is grooming her to be his successor. President of her college sorority Mary was a 4.0 finance major with a minor in Chinese. She wants to go places. Not wanting to waste time on being pregnant like Richard wants (must have someone to leave it all to) she persuades him to do rent-a-womb in India. Their first child, a son, will arrive soon. She’s also persuaded him to add a real English Norland nanny to the household staff of carefully chosen illegal aliens. 

Matthew Crawley, Senior Associate. No relation to Mary—Crawley is a common local name. Horrified at Mary’s marriage to Richard he let his work slip and nearly got fired by Richard. Redeemed himself by accidentally bringng in a major new client met in an airport concourse while snowed it at JFK.  Has legions of worshiping paralegals, secretaries and mailroom girls. Trotted out by Richard to influence wives who insist on tagging along to social events meant to be client signings.  Grows award-winning orchards and bikes to work. A Wabash man.

Cora Downton—Robert’s wife. Very big in local charity work. Owns a small internet company selling vintage clothing. Adores her husband, loathes firm events and avoids any contact what-so-ever with Richard, who finds her attractive and lets her know it. Was glad when Richard took Mary out of Robert’s orbit.

Isabelle Crawley—Matthew’s mother and head of the State Department of Health and Family Services.  Of counsel. Useful for political fundraisers and liberal lobbying—which Richard supports only when it generates revenue. Annoys most of the men and some of the women with her puking earnestness. 

Edith Strallan—Anthony’s insecure much younger wife. Forever popping in to make him take her to lunch and calling him to ask what he’d like for dinner. 

Thomas Barrow Associate. Useless. Wants to be Richard’s henchman but Richard is too smart for that. Uses Thomas as a lure for gay businessmen and older women who love his good looks and attention.

Daisy Mason—runner, perpetually out-of-breath and lugging messenger bag and or wheelie bag. Had a tremendous crush on Barrow till Mrs. Patmore in catering told her he was gay. In night school to become a paralegal under the delusion she will be promoted from within. Knows where to score coke and heroin for various attorneys when necessary. 

Alfie Nugent—new copy center manager. An unknown but he’s already got O'Brien on his side and Barrows against him. Time will tell. 

Anna Bates—Secretary to Mr. Downton  and Mr. Strallan  She prays nightly they can keep her job for her if word gets out that Downton & Abbbey LLP employs the wife of a convicted murder. She adores her bosses as well as Mrs. Downton and does endless personal favors for them such as keeping their dogs while they go on vacation. Also can handle Old Lady Downton when she wants attention and has tried to explain the facts of a lawyers life to the over-eager young Mrs. Strallan. Fearful of being poached by Richard who has trouble keeping a secretary.

Charles Carson C.F.O. and in charge of the accounting staff. Adores Mary Crawley and Cora Downton. Tried to protect Mary from getting to close to Richard and lives daily with his failure.  His attention to detail endears him (very much against his liking) to Richard, but his standards are often a clashing point for the two of them.

Sarah O’Brien Head of Human Resources (hourly staff).  Ruthless in hiring and firing of secretaries. Loves to spy on internet useage and report it to Richard. Knows who is sleeping with whom or trying to and uses it against them as effectively as Richard. 

Elsie Hughes—venerable receptionist and mother of the firm. Knows all tells nothing. Loathes Richard Can’t stand Mary, adores Matthew and Robert, but has the occasional lunchtime tryst with Charles Carson.

Jane Moorsom, formerly a floater who often was assigned to Mr. Downton. Quit after he began kissing her. .  A single Mom she couldn’t have O’Brien find out and ruin her. (Which coincided with an unusually long fill-in for Richard while O’Brien tried to locate a competent secretary who could stand him.) Moved to a smaller firm in the building and occasionally holds her breath when sharing an elevator with Robert.


Steph said...

Now I need to watch the show!

Hopewell said...

It's on netflix

Jeanne said...

Oh, you are on a roll!

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