Friday, December 09, 2011

Letter to Jim-Bob Duggar

[Note: I also posted this elsewhere.]


First my very sincere condolences on the death of your unborn child. That is not something anyone should have to go thru. I am sincerely praying for Michelle's recovery and for protection for all the family as your grieve.

That said, as respectfully as I can I'm saying, you've exploited your father's death, the birth of your last 5 children and first two grandchildren and the near death of your 19th child (and wife) for financial gain. Do not, I repeat, do not give us a 'very special' episode with the miscarriage and funeral. Do not do it.

Michelle has been thru enough. So have your kids. Do not force your kids again into a "right response" moment of having to mourn what they may not yet be able to understand. Note, I am not saying not to have a funeral or not to grieve. Just tell TLC to take the cameras home. Give your family a break and let them grieve in private like normal people. You might even want to hire some security for the event so you CAN have privacy. I trust the people of Westboro Baptist and other groups will not protest at your doorstep, either. No one needs that at a time of grief.

We get the point that this was a child not a choice. We get it. Really. We don't need to be shown a group of scared little kids and coerced teenagers trying to thank God for saving their mother, or for asking him why their new sister or brother couldn't live to be born. Let them do this in private.

Yes, you'll lose possibly more money than I make this year. It will be worth it.

I am sincerely praying for everyone in your family right now--this is a difficult situation for any family. Somethings are best left alone. This is one of them.

The choice is yours. But remember:

Dignity is priceless.




AlaskAnna said...

Brava! Brava!(standing ovation)

Susan said...

I agree with your sentiments. I think overall I like the Duggars more than you do :), but I do feel sort of a sinking feeling when I see some of the changes happening in the family since fame has come to them (much as I felt with Jon and Kate). Yep, if they film a Very Special Episode with the baby's funeral ... wow. That would be WAY over the top. Do they even know what "normal" is at this point?

mykidsmom said...

I couldn't agree more!

Kristen said...

Wow. I think you said what many, many of us feel. Good for you!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with your post entirely.

However, I feel the need to point something out to you.

The definition of lose: have something taken away: to cease to possess or have something such as a job or home

The definition of loose: not firmly attached: not firmly fastened or fixed in place

Please, if you are going to write something for the world to see, use the correct words. Your message loses credibility when you can't even get simple four or five letter words right.

Hopewell said...

Annonymous--I've never been much of a proof reader! Thanks!

priest's wife said...

I agree- but I don't think they will make it private- the memorial had "hundreds" of people come- sorry- I miscarried at 20 weeks and we mourned- but not for show and not with photos of our dead son handed out to the other people. Some things are private

Anonymous said...

I looked up the news--very tragic.

The first article I read spoke of pictures of the baby-I am beyond shocked they passed out images of the baby's hands and feet during the memorial :( that is taking it much too far, I think. That should have been kept for the Duggar's eyes only.

Jubilee Shalom is a beautiful name. May she rest in peace.


AmieLou said...

Just saw photos. Including one of the whole family posing with the casket, most smiling with the camera.

Can't they just dial it back to normal and not for show just one time?

Hopewell said...

AmieLou--Amen. I understand the baby is in Heaven and that is a happy thought, but it seems very odd to see them smiling. They've been promoting a movie that will make you change to a Pro Life stance--the shock value of this is calculated to help that I know. It's fine for them to want to change opinions. I'm just shocked they did it in such an over-the-top way. Reminds me of the shock abortion tactics of the Hell Houses and other such events. Sadly, I too, am resigned to a "Very Special Epsidoe" and probably images of "and our very special little angel in Heaven, Jubilee" tagged on at the end of the intro.

Anonymous said...

At her age she had a 85% chance of a miscarriage anyway, I wish people would stop acting so damn shocked it happened.

They are exploiting their bodies for 'God' and exploiting their family for money - this is *disgusting*. What's more disgusting is the masses of followers who both approve and disapprove. Why can't more people choose to ignore them and their crazy version of christianity? (I am also sickened at TLC for giving them a spotlight/soapbox.)

This is the first and only comment I will make about them EVER - I have never watched their TV show and wish they would all just fade away back into OBSCURITY. They do not deserve such attention and people should choose to repudiate the episode and not watch it if the Duggar's choose to do something that UTTERLY tasteless.

The truly sick bit is that when Michele finally does die from her own reproductive stupidities, people will make her into a martyr of some kind. The Duggar's get a gigantic facepalm from me.

Maya said...

Like Anonymous, I've never seen the show-- I don't, in fact, own a tv.

So I'm not up on the latest trends in conspicuous consumption, but, um...

People have funerals for miscarriages now?

Live, learn, and get kinda depressed.

Anonymous said...

Maya--They lost a child (Don't argue. That is their reality and they're entitled to it). Mourning is perfectly natural. Many women who lose children to miscarriage and stillbirth find themselves silenced and unable to talk about their experiences, and that's not healthy.

Hopewell said...

I support them having their own way with grief--just object to exploiting it. My Mom lost a child too and was told to "move on" and "focus on the one [me] of the twins who lived." The funeral was Mom and Dad and that's it. I'm glad Michelle got to grieve in ways meaningful for her--it just does not belong on their tv show.

Montana Wildflower said...

Maya- actually, funerals for babies born too early have been in existence for a long time. I am sure people you know have had them for babies they have lost, you just don't know about it.

When I lost my baby, three days after he was born, (he was full term) there were so many people who contacted us and told us that they too, had lost an infant. I had no idea there were so many and all were people I had no clue had lost a child.

While many of us have deep objection and criticism for the way the Duggars are living their life and raising their family, no one deserves to lose a child...and little Jubilee didn't deserve to lose her life.

I would hope that Jim Bob takes his place as leader in his family seriously enough to get a vasectomy or quit subjecting Michelle to sex. She's gone through enough.